Accident Admirers: A Love Story

Coming home from my internship with Senator Warner of Virginia, I sluggishly work my way out of a reverse game of Tetris, also known as city traffic. After the mastermind behind the movement of cars shifts enough cars' positions and gets them going, I eventually escape the grasp of this behemoth comprising cars, trucks, SUVs, buses, travel buses, and tour buses. After I start going my way on I-66, I hear my truck's engine roar as I approach 65 miles per hour and shift into fifth gear. Everything seems golden; cars are moving at the same speed and I am thinking that I'll be home in about 30 minutes. But as soon as my engine has been going at about 2500 revolutions-per-minute, I see the needle that pops my bubble of hope and happiness: a blue light. As soon as I see it, I know that my aspirations of getting home early and maybe being able to watch a rerun of "The Simpsons" are no more. People awkwardly gawk out of their smudged car windows to the accident that just occurred. I have what seems to be a pretty good stereotype of who the gawk-er is: She usually drives a 2000-2004 silver or dirty black Japanese car and generally has an "Impeach Bush" or "Obama '08" bumper sticker haphazardly plastered on her peeling bumper. These people seem to really be attracted to automobile accidents.

Seriously, I could make a love story out of these so called "accident admirers." You have your exposition: driving quickly, hoping for a speedy return back to your home; rising actions: the blue light and distant sirens, people dodging in and out of lanes in an attempt to weave through and evade the potential future 2 mile-per-hour traffic; climax: the awkward gawkers gazing passionately at the wreckage; and finally the resolution: returning to normal speed.

And this wreck doesn't even have to be a real wreck to be rubbernecked, it could be something as simple as a flat tire or a even some road pizza (roadkill) sitting on the granny (slow lane/access road). (Thanks to my uncle and "Home Improvement" for the trucker lingo.)

This love affair needs to be broken up. And what breaks up a relationship better than legislative reform? In order to make travel less eventful, we need serious transportation reform within the Commonwealth. For one, what we have now is a highway suitable for a city the size of Norfolk or Newport News, but not Washington, D.C. It's like you're taking a malleable cube and trying to shove it down and through a funnel. Now unfortunately, communities and businesses have developed along the banks of this gargantuan corridor of people and pollution, so any possible expansion of roadway is near-impossible. So how to fix this. Well, the state could declare eminent domain on the private property, but that would most likely be heavily protested, along with the opposition and limitations as set forth by President Bush in his executive order limiting the amount of private land that may be requisitioned and claimed eminent domain. One thing there is left to do is . . . the most dreaded option of the uptight yuppies from the northern region of Virginia: public transportation. Usually just used for getting to a Nationals ball game or the Washington Auto Show, the Metro and Metro Buses are seldom used by a majority of commuters because they want to have their own space and peace-of-mind. This seems reasonable, but where is the peace-of-mind in waiting in antagonizing chain-links of traffic moving at 5 miles-per-hour and then going up to 35, and then back down to 5? Where is the personal space when you are trapped between two eighteen-wheelers and have to hold your course so you don't accidentally let your car slip under the trailer?

I myself am not an avid user of Metro and use it only for the two situations told above: Nats games and car shows. Metro needs to expand its lines to accommodate more passengers and create more stops. It is a lot of money, but if we in Virginia, can divert some of the gas tax revenue used for highway maintenance and commit it to the expansion of Metro, we will inevitably have better road driving conditions. To make up for the loss in highway revenue, we can shift the maintenance of highways, notably I-495 and I-66, to private companies, just like the Greenway. As an incentive to get a company to take charge of these roadways, we will give them liberty to set the tolls (only influenced by possible state censures of the company if the road is not up to par.) and give them a tax incentive for taking on such a project. Eventually, the state will lose control of these roads, except for minor toll controls, and the tax burden will be removed from the Commonwealth.

This plan is far from perfect, but it is a good way of stimulating the economy, easing the transportation situation, and lessening pollution.

Either way, if you fall in love with an damaged car, it is not meant to be.